When was the last time you celebrated yourself? Big or small? A little win or a promotion? Take out after a decent day of busyness, get that new shirt you’ve been eyeing at the mall, a drive-thru treat, or even book a trip to enjoy some downtime and let someone else cook and clean for a week. How about throwing yourself a party to celebrate a milestone birthday?

I’m part of a chat group of amazing women who are from all throughout the Thunder Bay Area to Winnipeg and BC. We share what’s going on in our lives, events we’re involved with, funny memes, and more. Sometimes the chat is quiet; other times, it’s busy with lots of discussion. Ok, I MAY send too many Rick Rolls in the chat (never gonna give those up), but it is what it is. The important thing is that we all know that if we have something to share or to ask or need a pick-me-up, the responses are swift.

When we get together, it’s indescribable: the support, the laughs, the tiaras! We wear tiaras often, even in public. We’ve had “Old Stuff I Don’t Want” parties, where we bring stuff we no longer want or need and basically trade it. We had a Christmas exchange party where we set a limit for spending and then played games to take turns opening them and fighting (in a fun way) to keep them. You’ll also find us at Intercity Mall at Christmas time, decked out in Christmas gear, dashing through the halls and waiting in line to get a picture with Santa. Each get-together is not only a fun event; it’s also a celebration of friendship. We do enjoy sharing the good stuff, but there are many who have been through so much loss, pain, and sadness, and we are always there for them.

We’ve also lost one of our friends, Bev, and gathered to mourn and celebrate her life; in our tiaras, she would have wanted that. We talk about her often; she’s still very much part of the chat. We still get together for crafts at Bev’s; it’s a tradition started years ago, and it feels like she is right there with us. It’s through all of this that we gather, fix each other’s crowns, and heal our hearts. We talk about our bad and good in our lives and catch the good vibes from each other. It’s much like one of those social media support videos where the group lifts the confidence of one when needed, and there is always singing.

In March, we celebrated Lisa’s birthday. Lisa is one of those people that brings positivity to everything she takes part in; if she’s involved, it’s guaranteed to be larger than life. For her birthday, she not only spent the day listening to NKOTB singing “Happy Birthday” on repeat (not even kidding, ALL day), but she also put together a Sparkle Birthday candle-making charcuterie party. Lisa had bought a ton of wax at Bin-Go and wanted to use it, so we all brought glass containers to fill. For the charcuterie, we chose what to fill our boards with. I brought a chips and dip board; there was a popcorn board, a candy board, and more, including a traditional charcuterie board with meats, cheeses, and fruit. We laughed, ate, shared stories, and made memories along with our candles.

Two weeks ago, it was Ramona’s 50th birthday celebration. It was a dinner and dance, and everyone was asked to wear black or pink. At first, I thought, “She’s throwing herself a fancy dinner and dance for her birthday?” It was a brief thought, though, quickly replaced with excitement… “She’s throwing herself a fancy dinner and dance for her birthday! This is gonna be great!” With all of the gatherings I’ve mentioned, these last two were all about women celebrating just one of their big days.

Ramona’s decor was a classy black and pink; there was a signature frame for us to sign, balloon arches with pink and black and white balloons, and a table full of desserts with cupcakes and cookies made by Ramona herself, along with bowls of candy of all kinds. Dinner was fantastic, and the desserts were decadent, as was her signature drink, “Ramona’s Pink Glitter Soda,” a swanky, fruity drink with edible glitter!

The DJ had all of Ramona’s favourite music blasting when it was time to hit the dance floor, and her daughter Kiki and son Bradley were both in town to celebrate their mother. Seeing the three of them together, in a room full of family and friends having an amazing night, was heartwarming. At the end of the night, we all got loot bags. Epic.

These events had me thinking about how many of us are too worried about what others may think if we do something for ourselves. Not just for our birthdays, but for any reason. New job, great marks in school, a personal win. We need to recognize and toast our successes, big or small, and not worry if someone else thinks it’s not a good idea. 

There are those who feel that they don’t deserve happiness or success, so they downplay their successes and don’t want to share or celebrate their good news. There are others, and I think we all know one or a few who feel they have imposter syndrome. Where they feel they didn’t actually earn their success, that they’ve fooled everyone about their talents. They’re waiting for the moment someone taps them on the shoulder and says, “Wait, you don’t actually belong here.” 

We need to get past those ideas that we aren’t deserving of our own approval and joyous celebrations of our work, successes, and milestones. Why do we care what anyone thinks? Don’t want to go to a glitter party and stuff yourself with charcuterie treats? Don’t want to get dressed up and enjoy indulging in food and sweets and dancing with your friends and laughing the night away? You don’t have to, but you should.

Turns out, there’s a scientific reason that Lisa’s candles and Ramona’s party were much needed fun. A Psychology Today article from 2024 revealed that we need to celebrate our wins. It helps keep us motivated and improve our overall life satisfaction. Patting ourselves on the back releases dopamine and makes us feel positive. We feel accomplished, and our self-esteem is boosted. We are motivated and want to chase more goals and create continuous feelings of success and satisfaction. If we skip over our successes and just move on to the next goal or milestone without acknowledgment, we’re more likely to experience chronic stress. I’m paraphrasing what was outlined, but the main message is to celebrate so we don’t get stressed. It doesn’t have to be a huge party, but we really need to tell ourselves we did great!

So, whether it’s a tiara in public, a candle made from a pile of wax, or a full-blown dinner and dance, don’t skip the celebration! Your brain needs the dopamine, your friends need the laughs, and you? You deserve the toast. This has been mainly about the women in my life, but men, you need to celebrate yourselves too! Cheers!